I'm gonna have a badass scar
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
