if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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