It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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