I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
