I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
