I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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