last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
