shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
