In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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