You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
