Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
