You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
