He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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