I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The power of my boobs compel you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
