from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
