He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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