I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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