I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
