The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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