Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
