America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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