i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
