I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
