He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
