Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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