Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Damn victory sex feels great
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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