I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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