Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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