he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
