we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it was like eating out sand paper
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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