We're facebook friends in real life
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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