go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
