just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
