i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
