I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
