By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
