Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
