I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
