She is in my trunk
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
