I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
