She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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