i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
