He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
accomplished twins. life is a go
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
