How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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