What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A+ Viking dick
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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