Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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