He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He better not be in your backpack
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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