I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
