i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
