Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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