there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
