I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
