I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
