We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
