Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Randomize
