Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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