i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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