I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
