Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
